A Brief Review of The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living

I recently read The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living, not because I was looking for it to provide relationship advice, but simply because I’ve always wanted to read it. I, like many other people, it seems, was under the impression it was written mainly by the Dalai Lama. Instead I found that it was written by Howard Cutler, a psychiatrist from Arizona, and is about his discussions with the Dalai Lama about happiness. I was a little disappointed in the material, because quite a bit of it seemed very simplistic and banal. When the topic turned to relationships, for instance, one of the pieces of advice given was not to base long-term relationships on sexual attraction alone and to really get to know the person you are with. That seems…well, obvious. However, I don’t want to discount the possibility that there may be people out there who need this simple idea reinforced. I also have to say I found some of Dr. Cutler's insights following his discussions with the Dalai Lama to be uninspiring. They may be better appreciated, perhaps, by someone who has absolutely no knowledge or understanding of Eastern philosophies. Even among that population, however, I’m not sure how pithy they would be.

There are a few gems of wisdom there, however, especially in the last section of the book when the Dalai Lama is discussing anger and ways of dissolving it. I enjoyed reading that from the perspective of remaining physically healthy, we do not need to “get out” all of our anger by screaming or hitting pillows as we are often taught to do. For one, it always returns when we interpret some other event as something we should get angry about. And second, doing so can actually harm our cardiovascular health. Instead we should transform our anger. The Dalai Lama’s frequent prescription for problems is to cultivate compassion, and this can be very effective for transforming anger as well. His thinking on negative emotions—that they are not an inherent, unavoidable part of our psyche—is also refreshing.

But for me, the most important piece of information transmitted by The Art of Happiness was that the Dalai Lama indicated that he is never lonely, because he looks at others with compassion and seeks a certain spiritual or emotional intimacy with everyone. I think that if a monk who has never married and has practiced lifelong celibacy can develop this kind of contentment and peace with himself without having a partner, then certainly it is possible for each of us to do the same.